Just a short bit today. Hard nugget to work through here--no doubt lots of revision down the road.
To be alive and in prison offers three possibilities: you can still die (quickly by your own hand, with some provocation by another's, or waste away), a few can just exist, they become like vegetables they do not waste away, but it is hard to say they are alive, in five ten years if you can turn them loose, but it is cruel to do so. They are like babies; they can do nothing and are afraid of everything. If there is no one on the outside for them, they die. Third, the hardest, is to live. Because you have to decide to do that. And living, when there is no “life” is very hard.
Steve: I don't understand.
Celeste: Some try to live by being saved. They get religion. Religion offers forgiveness, it offers hope. It says some other day, somewhere else, it will be ok—it will be good. The problem is that isn't living. For some, it can be enough to last until they get out. For most it is a way of putting off existing or wasting away. But if they don't get out, one of the other two will happen. Because to live, you have to figure out how to make now work. Not someday.
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